As a life-long Londoner, to me, city life and beach life go together like peanut butter and mayonnaise, muffin tops and low rise jeans, Bette Davis and Joan Crawford – ie. they don’t. The closest London comes to beach life is the mayor's annual pathetic attempt to dump sand on the banks of the Thames. Freezing on the South Bank, avoiding getting sucked into the filthy and powerful current of the River Thames, whilst taking in deep lungfuls of the congested traffic above clogging up Waterloo Bridge somehow hasn't managed to entice us Londoners. I think the Maldives Tourism Board can breathe a sigh of relief.
Beach holidays are idyllic hideaways from the mania of metropolis life, where you can walk stretches of sand without meeting another soul. Beach holidays are the gentle calm of Lamu; quaint fishing towns on Greek Islands. But this uptight city girl's values system was shaken to the core on last year's trip to Rio de Janeiro. There, Cariocas would spend a few hours lounging on Ipanema Beach before padding back into the thick of the city with nothing but a piece of tiny speedos between their modesty and the rest of the passengers on the bus or customers in the mall. No eyelid was batted and not one fuck was given. Watching Brazilians is like getting a masterclass in body confidence and it was there that I learned to stop worrying and love the Beach.
2. Become a Beach Bum
Continuing with my mini guide on the top 5 things to go see/do when in Barcelona is the art of being a beach bum. Barcelona has a plethora of beaches to enjoy for all tastes - Mar Bella for nudists, La Nova Icaria for families - but my favourite, and the city's most popular, is La Barceloneta. Location is everything and the best spot is by the promenade. At the weekends there are clusters of market stalls selling vintage clothing and vinyls, as well as beach bars pumping out everything from Nina Simone, Gipsy Kings to Bob Marley and Buena Vista Social Club. Those lilting beats are the soundtrack to happiness which will have your horizontal body bopping along in no time and you can join in singing along with the market stall holders. Another great reason for choosing Barceloneta Beach is that this is where the world and his wife come to have fun. True, it can get cramped but if you're an avid people-watcher like me this is where you need to be. On my afternoons there I observed hen/stag parties getting dizzy in the heat playing drinking games; mature leather skinned ladies craning their crinkly faces towards the sun whilst casually dragging on a cigarette, blowing smoke in the face of healthy living. There were the fresh wave of tourists who determinedly brought their suitcases with them straight from the airport not wanting to miss a minute of sunbathing and the immigrant touts (bizarrely often dressed in several layers of jumpers and jeans as though they were preparing for a trek into the mountains) skittering with armloads of goods between sunbathers, crouching behind boulders to avoid the beach police. I even had the pleasure of watching the meltdown of a relationship in under an hour. The action on Barceloneta is truly riveting - one cannot fail to be amused.
Apart from location, another essential for beach bumming are refreshments, particularly the kind that have a kick and the kind you don't have to lift a finger for. All you need do is holler at one of the numerous beach hawkers who'll bring to your towel side cooling mojitos and frozen margaritas (for around 8 euros). Beach bums do not exhort themselves - they do not traipse around looking for kiosks, they do not queue - they recline and enjoy. The only thing you'll need to lift a finger for is rolling over to your side to grab some cash from your wallet.
So to recap, you have found the perfect spot where Manu Chao's beats are drifting through the air, there's a live comedy show in every direction of the beach you turn to and you're sipping on your third delicious cocktail. Life's pretty good, eh? But, you're not officially a beach bum until you relax and forget about perfect toned bodies. Nudity is legal in Barcelona (and that's not restricted to the beaches!) so anything goes and as a woman it's absolutely liberating to go topless. I was solo at the beach and never for one moment felt vulnerable or uncomfortable - no sleazy guys suddenly ambushed me and no elders tut-tutted. Perhaps I was too busy enjoying the sensation of the warm Spanish sun prickling my body to notice any disapproving looks - but if the notorious Elephant Man (the clue is in the name people!) can pad around the city au naturel without a care in the world, you can definitely enjoy nude sunbathing. So go hang out (literally) on Barceloneta beach and have yourself a very chilled out day.
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